The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
