U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
