Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize