Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
