we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Randomize
