Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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