yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
