hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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