I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
