definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
