its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
