good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
My vagina just recognized that song.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
