so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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