the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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