i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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