He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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