Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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