im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
3pm strippers are depressing
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
