what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
