your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
