Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
40s are totally the cure
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
