im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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