So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
