A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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