Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
