it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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