Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
