I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Randomize
