before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
