Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize