Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
