i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Randomize
