how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
