He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
