ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
