You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
