Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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