Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you made out with another girl for some wings
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
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