I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
