so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
