You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
