Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
