I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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