i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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