Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
