What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
