So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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