I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
