I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
