omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
