i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
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