I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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