WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
