what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize