drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
