your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Just cropdusted the office
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
