he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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