slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
