She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
