it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
