My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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