somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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