I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
