we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
