ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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