Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
