got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
