Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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