Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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