Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Randomize
