Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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