I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
