When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize