i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
