ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
