I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
