Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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