Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
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