How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
