I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
