Need sex. Gaining weight.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize