So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
