Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
