I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
