my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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