i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
