I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
