Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
