You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
