we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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