I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
