So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
