Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize