I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I believe in your delicious
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
