He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
