Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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