Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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