hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
