There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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