I wish you could order shots online.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
